A letter to my younger self

Me posing with the ‘Hope’ sign in NYC, 2016

Hey,

So I did a post about a letter to my future self a while back and figured writing one to my younger self would be cool, too. I’m not old at 21, but I’m a different person now to what I was then. I thought it’d be interesting to address those changes… Without further ado, here’s my letter to my younger self:

Well, younger me, you were interesting. You were troubled, I guess. It’s not that you were awful at school but you didn’t always play by the rules and you got into trouble a few times. Nothing serious though, so good on you. The one thing you wanted more than anything was to make your parents proud. That was it; it literally defined your school years. So you didn’t get involved in underage drinking, tried your best at school and did everything you could to show them you were better than they could’ve hoped.

Family situations weren’t always an easy time, that was something you undeniably struggled with. Things went wrong a few times and it wasn’t always easy to be happy. Some days putting on a smile was the hardest thing you had to do all day because you just wanted to cry. But letting people see you at your most vulnerable wasn’t an option. I wish you’d known that it was ok to feel angry and hurt by the things that were happening. You deserved better.

Then there were all your friends getting in relationships which, looking back, was just crazy really. You didn’t need to be jealous or feel left out because them boys were a mess, hun. You didn’t need to be crying over any of that let me tell you. You’ve always been strong and independent and you were perfectly fine single. It took you a while to figure that out, but you got there. And now look, several years later and you’re in love. You never would’ve imagined that.

You hated yourself. I know that. You never felt good about yourself because there was always somebody who was prettier, smarter, etc. There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t compare yourself to somebody else so your self esteem was in ruins. It got better, I promise. It has been a really difficult ride to accept that I’m not and never will be perfect, but I just want to let younger me know that we’re getting there. It’s a day by day process but we’re coping better than we were at 13, even if mental health is an issue.

You didn’t need to let those toxic people stay in your life. That’s been proven now that basically all of them are gone. You left school and those doors shut, then you finally felt at peace. You finally felt like all those nasty people had gone from your life. You’ve met a few more since then but they’re gone, too. You taught yourself a lesson back then that no matter what when you’ve been hurt once, you do not let yourself get hurt twice by the same person. Nope, girl, you just tell ’em bye. Send ’em packing cause you do not need that negativity in your life. Thank you for teaching me that. You’re tougher now and it’s better for you.

Don’t be afraid to love yourself before anyone else. Don’t let mean people distract you from your goals. Don’t give up hope that there are better things to come. You’ve got this.

So that’s that. I hope you enjoyed reading this letter. There’s another one I wrote to my future self as well if you fancied checking it out!

Until next time,

Luce xo